Wait, Wait, Wait, "House of Wax" actually turned out to be good?

House of Wax
Paris Hilton's attempt to make a movie without using nightvision


I honestly cannot believe I am about to give a postive review to a movie that I saw a trailer for and cringed. Besides, Paris though, it's actually a decent, fun movie. Read on for a further, indepth look at "House of Wax."

A group of friends decide that they want to go see some football game in some other town or something like that. I hate sports for the most part so seeing them killed off for such a stupid reason pleased me. Anyway, Wade(Jared Padelecki) and his girlfriend, Carly(Elisha Cuthbert), go along with this sprts thing and after some stuff at a restaurant involving Paris Hiltons character being pregnant, they decide to pull over and camp. Wade is mad though because Carly invited along her criminal brother, Nick(Chad Michael Murray). They are accompanied by slasher fodder, I mean friends, Dalton(Jon Abrahams) and Paige(Paris Hilton). It also has Robert Ri'chard in it from the Disney movie "Alley Cat's Strike" and the Nikelodeon series "My Cousin Skeeter." This is the third or fourth case of Disney people gone bad this year. Back to the movie though, the friends camp out and goof around until a strange truck comes out and just kind of stares at them. Everyone get's all creeped out and decide to go and investigate. It ends with Nick getting mad and throwing a beer bottle at the car after it won't leave, smashing the headlight. He's so hardcore... The next day they wake up, and natually, the girls have to pee or something. They decide to go and follow a smell they smell. Naturally, Elisha Cuthbert trips and lands hands first into animal remains. She sloshes about in intestines and such until her friend's come and help her out.

During this time Wade finds out, "Oh crap, my fanbelt broke overnight." Suspecting nothing, they go and talk to this weird dude with bad teeth who offers to give Wade and Carly a ride into a town to get a fanbelt. But this town hold's a secret, a waxy secret. At this point we are already about 35-40 minutes into the movie. The build up is a bit tiresome but the slow pacing pays off in the end. Wayde and Carly go around this town and don't find anybody so they decide the best plan of action would be to enter a creepy House of Wax. But don't worry, this is when the killing starts. And let me tell you, it made me cringe. Just when I thought I could handle just about anything thrown at me by a movie, this one goes and has me and the audience screaming at the screen. The friends eventually head back for Carly and Wade since they get caught in traffic for the game. (We also learn that they didn't have tickets in the first place and would have to scalp them which is pretty lame.) Naturally people are killed, people are captured, and Chad Michael Murray get's to be the hero. But it's what happens in the last hour that makes this movie cool. Ankle tendons are cut by industrials scissors, a tip of a finger is cut off by wire cutters, people are waxed alive, the required beheadings, and Paris Hilton get's a big ol' jagged pole through her head. Now, I may have just spoiled that for you, but I don't care. It's the reason I went to see this in the first place.

The last 15 minutes of this thing are incredible. As the killer is revealed, and the payback starts, the "House of Wax" starts melting due to a house fire. The wax house melting may sound lame but the fire effects give the effects for Hell in "Constantine" a run for their money. A lot of people are panning this movie off as if it supposed to be artistic or something. It's a freakin' slasher movie, not "Sound of Music." The kills are cool and this, along with "Amityville Horror," proves there is still a market for hard "R" movies. Yes, it's cliche to an extent, yes the people throw themselves head first into danger, yes the plot doesn't bring anything new to the table, but go check this one out, just don't expect it to be the second coming.

Final Score
4/5