An update about my "Constantine" review

First off it is still keeping the perfect score. I'm not going to go back and dock it points for anything as it is still pretty perfect except for a bathtub being in a bowling alley, but whatever. Anyways upon seeing it last night with my friend Kristan, we decided to sit through the credits and low and behold, there was something special afterwards. Don't worry it won't scar you like the "Dodgeball" extra bit did. However I don't know if my friend, and Happy Show creator, Matt would want to sit through it. Take that as you will.

And an update of the "Mystery Envelope" status. Well apparently somebody had that spare $1,700. And somebody had an extra 3,000 and an extra 5,000. The current bid of this posting which is at 4:52pm on Sunday is................oh my God, in the two seconds I hit refresh it went up to $9,900. MOTHER OF GOD!!! I MUST KNOW WHAT IS IN THAT THING!!!!

Got $1,700+? Go bid on "The Mystery Envelope!"

A persons desire to buy something that they have no idea what it is is being exploited over on eBay. A guy is selling a "Mystery Envelope." The bid right now is $1,700+ He did give clues that it is valuable and most people would want it. Go take a look for yourself.

Mystery Envelope

Will the obscurity on eBay ever end?!

"SAW" on DVD. You expected me to say " I saw Saw," didn't you?

SAW on DVD
*Insert witty line using the word "Saw" here*


I am going to just get it out there in the open that it is impossible to review this movie without making some kind of lame pun. Let's get them all out of the way now, shall we? I saw Saw, I went to see Saw, and the less popular, I went to see Saw by the sea and saw a saw. Now that that is out of the way let's actually do some reviewing. First off this will be the first movie that I will review both the features of the DVD and the actual movie. I am going to do this so there is less confusing on what is getting the high/low score.

When I watched Saw back when it came out, I was blown away by the way it was shot and the originality of the story. Two men wake up in a dirty bathroom chained to pipes on opposite sides of the room. In the middle of the room there is a dead body with only the company of his own blood that he is laying in. In his hands are a gun and a tape recorder. The two men are Dr. Gordon(Cary Elwes) and Adam(Leigh Whannel). They suddenly find themselves trying to find clues that will get them free from the chains that are holding them in the room. They find cassette tapes in their pockets and use the dead mans tape recorder to listen to them. Suddenly something clicks in Gordon's head and he thinks he knows who is responsible for putting them there. The suspect is a man only known by the name "the Jigsaw Killer" for the way he cuts a jigsaw piece into his victims. We then get to know Tapp(Danny Glover) who is one of the lead detectives on the case. Later in the movie the Jigsaw killer makes it personal and Tapp becomes obsessed with the case. It all makes sense in the end though and the ending will give you chills every time you see it. This movie is intense and the camera work is great. My favorite scene was with the woman trying to get the "reverse bear trap" off of her head because of the intensity of the scene.

Now this movie is truly great but it is not without it's flaws. First off some of the acting is a little out there. There is one line that always makes me laugh when it shouldn't. The line is this; "STOP THE LIES! YOU'RE A LIAR." You really have to hear it to respect how cheesy it is. Also towards the end Adam and Dr. Gordon get a little Sam and Frodo on us. Also it is never really explained why the Jigsaw killer carves a jigsaw piece into his victims skin. I would have like to have known why as it is a key part of the movie. They will probably explain that (hopefully) in the sequel due out this fall.

Now the DVD itself is really, really disappointing. The features on this are almost laughable. You get a music video, a "making of" feature for the music video, and a two minute "making of" documentary of the movie and a commentary. I expected a lot more on this DVD as the movie was a decent hit at the box office. I truly believe this movie deserved two discs but maybe that is just me. As for postive point's of the DVD...well...at least the see through box is cool and the two minutes of the "documentary" are good.

In the end though buy this disc for the movie and not the special features. People who crave special features, like myself, will be let down. The movie is orignal and is not a cheap rip-off of Seven and sets itself apart well. The movie twists and turns and will keep you guessing the whole way through. So go see Saw on a see-saw while using a jigsaw. What?

Movie Score
4/5

DVD Score
1.5/5 (you're lucky you have a cool box)

"Constantine" delivers us from the evil that is mediocrity

Constantine
The first near perfect movie of the year


I honestly don't know how to begin this review. I am at a loss for words when it comes to talking about this near perfect movie. I will start off by saying to forget about the Matrix, this is Keanu Reeves best performance ever. Keanu Reeves plays John Constantine, a exorcist/demonologist/cynical outcast. As a child John realized he could see past the veil of the balance and see demons and angels, or as he called them, "half-breeds." Apparently demon/angels can't fully exist in this world as actual entities but they can influence others thus they are half human/half something else. John tried to kill himself as a teen but was only dead for two minutes, which we find out is an eternity in hell. So John is spared and sent back to Earth but is forever doomed to hell for taking his own life.

The movie starts off in Mexico with a Mexican guy finding the "Spear of Destiny." The "Spear of Destiny" is the tip of the spear used to stab Jesus Christ towards the end of the crucifixion. Move forward a little bit and we see John doing a routine exorcism, or at least what he thinks is routine. Now it's only during the beginning of this movie that sort of turned me off. The movie was still great at the beginning but there was one thing that turned me off. Shia LaBouf is the thing that turned me off early on. Yes Shia LaBouf also known as Louis Stevens from the Disney show "Even Stevens." He is kind of a sidekick wannabe who drives the taxi. For the first ten minutes of the movie I thought I was watching "Collateral." John realizes, in a pretty cool fashion, that this is no ordinary exorcism. He seeks the counsel of the angel Gabriel to find out what is going on. Yes, that angel Gabriel. During this time though we are acquainted with another main character. Her name is Angela and her sister has killed herself but Angie believes that there was something more sinister involved. As the story moves along we find out that Angie's sister could also see the demons and angels but was committed by her parents for talking about seeing these things. Towards the end of the movie it really kicks into high gear by letting us actually visit hell and some of the best action sequences ever. I mean, come on, a Striker shotgun that is also a cross? How is that not completely awesome? The story in the end does make sense and a very special cameo also occurs. Won't tell you who it is but it is cool. And in the end Shia LaBouf does redeem himself by only having a bit part and toting a shotgun towards the end. Who doesn't love to see Disney characters tote weapons? Can't wait for the "Lizzie McGuire/Rambo" crossover.

Even with the flaw of having LaBouf the movie will still completely blow you away. This is one of the best, if not the best, script to screen translation of a comic yet. Let's hope "Sin City" can keep the trend of good comic book movies going. Oh and by the way, this movie gets the first 5 out of 5 of 2005. Way to go "Constantine", your cookie is in the mail.

Final Score
5/5

PS
Some of the trailers before this movie kind of bothered me. "Kingdom of Heaven" was one of those. It looks good but how about we stick Orlando Bloom in something that doesn't have him riding a horse, swinging a sword, or using a bow. Also Colin Farrell needs to go away. Seriously, when your best role is you standing in a phone booth for an hour and a half, you should take a hint and just stop.

Updates Coming Soon..and by soon I mean eventually

With that said I do plan on going to see the new Keanu Reeves movie "Constatine" this weekend so keep checking back as I will review it as soon as I get home. Even if I see it late I shall fulfill my self appointed duty to review it when I get back. With that said I am off to go to bed.....or play more Half-Life 2. I'd go with the latter...


Gavin

I'm Eighteen!

Yes, as of 7:01am today I am 18 years of age. Do I feel any different? Not really but it is cool that I can sing that Alice Cooper song truthfully for an entire year. I also offer up very happy birthday wishes to actor Seth Green, actor Nick Nolte, wrestler Paul "The Big Show" Wight, music composer John Williams, and Gary Coleman. I'd wish James Dean a happy birthday but he's, you know, dead.

Something better to review than "Without a Paddle"

Now many of you(ok maybe two people) wanted my without a paddle review. Well I don't know if those people really want that review since I was going to give it a 1.5/5. It's really, really bad. I did not really enjoy any of it and that is sad considering that I usually like Seth Green as an actor. Anyway what I will review though is a show that just sort of premiered on FOX after the Super Bowl. The show is called "American Dad" and it is brought to you by the wonderful Seth MacFarland who created the legendary "Family Guy." So cue that cheesy bold/italic tagline!


American Dad -Pilot Episode
Not as good as Family Guy, but really, what is?


"American Dad" is created by the same people that did "Family Guy" so you expect zany. And for the most part, it delivers. The show follows the life of a CIA agent named Stan Smith. He lives with his family consisting of his wife Francine, his daughter Hayley, and his son Steve. He also has an extended family consisting of a alien named Roger that he helped escape Area 51 and Klaus, a goldfish that has had a brain of a German man implanted in him. The pilot episode was mainly based around Steve wanting to get a date. His father tells him that power attracts women and helps rig the student election. With his new power in tow, Steve starts to get the ladies. it was also based around Roger getting too overweight and being put on a diet. He gets his food from Hayley in exchange for doing her college papers. Now I felt the show was pretty good for the most part but I felt some parts fell flat. The daughter, like Meg on "Family Guy", comes off kind of annoying. I also felt the mom was also kind of a useless character so far. One thing that is different between Peter and Stan is that Stan is actually pretty intelligent.

Overall though I don't have much to judge by. The actual series doesn't begin until May 1st, which is also the day "Family Guy" returns. The only thing that worries me is that it will be compared to "Family Guy" too often. "Family Guy" is a huge shadow to be in but I wouldn't be worried if I was Seth MacFarland. I personally think this show has a lot of potential and I am glad to see it will not be getting the "Futurama" treatment. By that I mean that when it premieres in May, it will follow "Family Guy", thus giving it a chance to find an audience. It needs to find an audience but that shouldn't be too hard because it has already found an audience in me.

Final Score
4/5

Ways to get your voice heard

I have heard from many people that some of you have been having trouble posting comments. Just so you know you do not have to have a blog to leave a comment. You can post anonymously without having a blog. However if it would better for you, you can now email me at GavinsGarage@hotmail.com with either questions or comments.. From time to time I plan on answering your emails on the site so be sure to check back from time to time.


Your Host
Gavin

PS
I didn't forget about my "Without A Paddle" review. However I did get busy and didn't have time to write it yet. It will be up soon though.