New site launched!

Now as many of you know, I make amateur moveis and hope to one day becomea screenwirter/director. After my film went over huge on GameFAQS, I decided that my Mind Wander Productions label deserved it's own site. And thus I made the site. I'll add it to the sidebar as well. Two movies are currently up now for download but I am currently reuploading them to a different server since I exceeded the bandwidth over at yousendit. Should be up in a hour or so. I'll update when it goes up again.

Mind Wander Productions

EDIT: Video is up again for all those who didn't see it. Head over to the Mind Wander Site.

Gavin

"The Amityville Horror," Ryan Reynolds takes his shirt off... a lot.

The Amityville Horror
We get it, Ryan Reynolds has a good physique...

"The Amityville Horror" is the next horror movie in the recent trend of horror remakes. How does this one do? Well I think it did what it set out to do and that was to scare people. Now it isn't as scary as I thought it might be but it was still decent.

"The Amityville Horror" is of course based on that infamous Long Island home where a man was told to kill his entire family by voices. Fast forward one year and we meet the Lutz family. George Lutz (Ryan Reynolds) is in a new relationship with Kathy(Melissa George). I guess they are newlyweds since one of the annoying kids asked if he was supposed to call George "dad" or not. I say "I guess" because it is never really disclosed what they are. This is where the biggest problem of the movie comes from, plot holes. Lots and lots and lots of plotholes. It was if the writers were intentionally trying to sabotage their own project with the sheer ammount of unanswered questions. One scene has George discovering boat keys in Billy's(Jesse James aka "that kid from the Butterfly Effect") room. However we never know how, why, or when he got the keys. It has absolutely no point to it. Another scene, and a huge part of the plot, is the little girl Chelsea's (Chloe Moretz) relationship with dead girl Jodie(Isabelle Conner). Jodie was one of the family members murdered one year earlier. She is one of the main driving forces of the story but we don't get any explanation to why she is still hanging around the house or why she can hang around the house. Is she there to hurt them? In one scene she has convinced Chelsea to jump off the roof yet in another she is trying to protect them from the "bad man" that lives in the basement. Anyway as the 28 days progress (they only stayed in the house 28 days before fleeing) George starts to lose touch of reality. Everytime the clock strikes 3:15am, you know something is going to happen. However George goes in and out of sanity more than truly going insane. My favorite scene was with him and Billy chopping wood. "We're friends, we're having fun!" Best line in the movie. Also, I think the writers did rewrites on set in order to find another excuse to have Reynolds take his shirt off. Seriously, the dude takes his shirt off at least 4 times during the movie. Anyway the movie moves along at a fast pace and it may have been a little too fast. The movie's runtime is only 85 minutes long. However considering how boring the parts of the orignal that I saw were, this is not a bad thing. The story is predicatable since you already know they are going to eventually get out of the house. Still the origin of the house makes sense and the true villain being revealed was cool. Whether or not it is true or not, is for you to decide.

The scares in this film are pretty good. However not as scary as I thought it would be, it was still fun. The scares in the movie are "BOO" scares. It could also be compared to being punched in the stomach one time and having your attacker flee only to come back and do the same thing 10 more times. It isn't a constant sense of uncertainty. You know when stuff is going to happen and when you, as an audience, are safe. Even with the plotholes and predictability, it doesn't stop being fun. And really, what more can you ask for?

Final Score
3.5/5

Become a successful rapper in 5 easy steps!

So little Billy, the time has come to choose what you want to do with your life. Wanna be a doctor and save people? What's that? You want to be a rapper? Well then, you have come to the right place! In just 5 easy steps you too can be a successful rapper with all the money and oversized jewelry a man could ever want!

Step 1: Pick a cool name

Now this step is pretty self explanatory but you might need some help picking out just the right name. Now maybe you were just going to call yourself a couple of letters or something completely stupid. Look at 50 Cent, he made a cool name out of an amount of money. What can your name be Billy? Hmmmm.... I got it! We will call you "Stapler." No wait, scratch that. That name isn't "gangsta" enough. Let's drop the "ER" and add an "A" instead. There, that's perfect! Your rapper name is now "Stapla!"

Step 2: Butcher the English language!

What did the founding fathers of this country know anyway? They should have known that instead of saying "every time," you could easily say it better if you say it "eertime." Silly founding fathers.... Also if words don't seem to want to rhyme do to that fact that they shouldn't rhyme, make it rhyme. You are a overpayed entertainer, you have the right to change the rules of the English language. Also, everything, or "eerthing" if you will, sounds so much cooler if you add a Z to it. Scenario: You are in a grocery store. You see two meat like products on the shelf. The first one says "Spam." The second says "Spamz." Which one are you gonna buy?

Step 3: People forget easy, repetition is key!

Now I, like most people, forget things very easily. My mind often wanders during songs due to the fact that I keep forgetting what is going on in the song. Silly me....but rappers make it all better. They repeat the same lyrics over and over and over again. What's that "gangsta" rapper Cassidy? You're a "hussaler?" That's nice. Wait, what did you say you were? Oh yeah, you are a "hussaler." Thanks for repeating it for me again and then 15 times after it! Not only do they repeat the lyrics over and over and over again but they repeat the same beats and background tracks over again and again and again. I really like that one part in the song, so why not repeat it for the rest of the song? Rap sure is swell Billy!

Step 4: If you want street cred, get arrested!

Ahh yes, this is one of the most important things you need to learn if you want to be a rapper. You won't be successful unless you get sent to jail and shank somebody. Better yet, go to jail with your entire gang. Also if you want to sell millions of records shoot someone or get shot! Just remember, for every bullet you take, that's like 4 million more records sold! Make sure to rap vividly about every last detail that happened right before you shot that guy. I want to hear how he urinated on himself and begged for mercy! After you sing that talk about having fun in a club! What's that? You feel a #1 hit too?

Step 5: Get a girl who can do that weird thing with her butt that makes it seem as if it wants to escape!

English Scholars refer to it as the "booty pop." If you want to be a huge hit, you have to have a small army of big butted girls in your video that can booty pop. But you just can't let em go at it without some accessories! To further make the booty popping more impressive, add things to the booty shorts you will inevitably have your classy lady wearing. Add things like tassles, chains, apples, oranges, small woodland creatures, small children, Quizno subs, a AM/FM radio, and various other things. It will make the popping all that more impressive if that girl can pop a small woodchuck!

Follow these 5 easy steps Billy and in no time you will be caught with underage girls in your hotel room!

Now that my site has been DigiBlessed, maybe people will visit!

Do you have an important file that is dear to you? Have a MP3 that you absolutely love? Maybe a website that isn't doing so well? Well then you can help out and request a digital blessing! DigiBless is a online thing that apparently blesses your files. Does it do anything? Not really, but it does play "Alleluiah" when you're finished. You can request all types of blessings for your files. You can ask for a blessing of healing or even a speedy recovery. Anyway here is a screenshot of my blessing:

You know, just the other day I was sitting around thinking how much my files needed to be blessed... On the bright side though, maybe divine intervention will bring viewers to my site! Here's hoping!


Gavin

The wait is over, 'Sin City' reviewed!

Sin City
The best comic to screen translation ever


What can I say? It lived up to the hype for the most part. Is it the best comic to screen translation ever? Yes. Is it the best movie ever? Well, let's not go that far. Now I did my fair share of research before going to see this one. I read Frank Miller's 'Batman' comics and I read two of the three graphic novels featured in this movie. I also watched the 'El Mariachi' Trilogy from director Robert Rodriguez to get familiar with his work.

The movie starts off with The Salesman(Josh Hartnett, in his one good movie ever) talking on a roof with a lady in a red dress. This story plays out and we are taken to what may possibly be the greatest opening credit sequence ever. Yeah, I was even impressed by the credits. After the eye candy credits we get started with the "That Yellow Bastard" storyline. Hartigan(Bruce Willis) only has one hour to go until he hangs up his badge and retires from the Basin City PD forever only he has one more thing he has to do; rescue skinny little Nancy Callahan from the Senators son Junior who happens to be a pedophile. After much grief from his partner Bob(Michael Madsen), he knocks out Bob and proceeds with the mission. He gets there in the nick of time and punishes Junior. This is when we really get a glimpse of how violent the movie will be. I read the source material and I knew it was going to be violent, but it didn't hit me until I saw a ear blown off. Anyway Bob steps in and we are then transfered "The Hard Goodbye" storyline.

Let me take this break in story to give you this little PSA. People, if you are at the movies, turn your friggin' cell phones off. During this movie I had to experience not one, but TWO cases of cell phones going off. Not only were the calls annoying but when the people would flip open there nifty little annoyances, the light would illuminate the entire theater to the point where I felt as if I was watching the sun come out of the person's hand! So yeah, turn your phone off.

Now back on track. Marv(Mickey Rourke) has been framed for murder. His true love Goldie(Jaime King) has been killed while they slept. Naturally the police are there to try to get Marv. Marv then embarks on a journey to find out who killed Goldie. He goes to the local watering hole to try to find answers but doesn't really find any. This is when we get our first glance at stripper Nancy(Jessica Alba) who will play a bigger part later on in the second part of the "That Yellow Bastard" story. Anyway Marv just goes around tearing up the town for information. He goes to his parole officer Lucille(Carla Gugino) for information and eventually he finds himself in a confession booth in church. He then pumps a priest(Frank Miller) for info and then pumps him full of lead. If priest murder offends you, don't see this movie. He finds his way to the Roark family farm and then we get to meet Kevin(Elijah Wood). Yeah, after you see our little hobbit friend as Kevin, saving Middle Earth will become irrelevant. He is extremely creepy and effective as Kevin. Without spoiling this story, I will say it is great. Everyone in this part is great and you will feel for Marv as he tries to avenge his love.

Now the next part of the movie, that follows the storyline on "The Big Fat Kill," isn't the best in my opinon. I would not have shed a tear if they would have left this one out completely and just focused on "Hard Goodbye" and "Yellow Bastard." They put it in though and I watched it. In Olde Town, the hookers run the show. They are the law because of a truce that they have with the mob and the police. Jackie Boy(Benicio Del Toro) is trying to get into Shellie's(Brittany Murphy) house as this story starts out. Shellie has a house guest though in the form of Dwight(Clive Owen) who puts him in his place to say the least. After being humilated Jackie Boy decides to try and buy some lovin' down in Olde Town. Him and his crew pull up next to Becky(Alexis Bledel) and try to pursuade her to do stuff but they are denied. Dwight is hot on his tail though because he knows what he will do to the girls. He gets there only to be stopped by Gail(Rosario Dawson) and is reassured they can take of themselves. We are reassured when Jackie Boy pulls a gun and is then completely beaten down by the deadly Asian Miho(Devon Aoki). Gore aplenty in this section of the movie but we find out that Miho just killed a cop. Apparently Jackie Boy is a hero cop and that this could destroy the truce that the hookers and cops have. They try to dump the bodies but mercenaries show up and try to stop them. Manute(Michael Clark Duncan) randomly shows up as well but it's kinda pointless. The climax of this is a let down to say the least. Thankfully we still have one more story to wrap up and tie everything together...sort of.

Now the "Yellow Bastard" story is my favorite of the three stories in the movie. Anyway, after the encounter on the dock, Hartigan is in the hospital and is visted by Senator Roark (Powers Boothe) and is told he will be charged with the abduction of Nancy. Framed for abducting little Nancy, Hartigan is sent to jail. They try to get him to confess but he refuses to. He get's a letter from Nancy every Thursday for eight years straight then suddenly they just stop coming. One day a yellow man shows up, knocks Hartigan out, and leaves. When he comes to, he finds the same envelope that Nancy uses with a finger in it. He confesses to everything and is let out of jail with time served. He tracks Nancy to the Saloon where she dances and realizes that he screwed up. We get a cool car chase between Hartigan and Junior, who is now horribly disfigured from all the surgeory he went through. This all leads to the best part of the movie; The Hartigan/Junior showdown. The end of this is the most violent part in the movie and it made me cringe like a little girl.

Now after reading all of that, you'd assume I would just give this movie a 5 without giving it a second thought. Well you know what they say about assuming. This movie is not without it's flaws. One of the main flaws is the pacing. I felt like we were just rushing through the Marv storyline at the speed of light. Also character development wasn't the high point of the movie. Sure our main characters are fleshed out pretty well but one case seriously irked me. That case was Manute. Where did he come from? What does he want? The other flaw lies with some of the effects. I felt some of the CGI looked, and felt like, I was watching the old Adam West 'Batman' show. The part that stands out in my mind is when Wendy is trying to run Marv over. Also not every line in the comic had to be translated. Some lines belong to stay on the pages of the comic and do not need to be said out loud. Also, and my biggest gripe, was some of the acting; two cases in particular. One of those cases was the girl that played little Nancy Callahan. She was just, to say the least, awful. Get Dakota Fanning, she can do anything. Even for boy roles. Little boy in the Ring? Fire him, get Dakota Fanning. Seriously, Dakota Fanning should play every child role imaginable. And the second case of bad acting, Brittany Murphy. And one line really did it for me in her case. The line was "come any closer and I'll cut your little pecker off." Not only did that line not need to be translated to the movie, but she didn't need to be saying it.

Did it live up to the hype? Yes. Is it the best comic to screen movie ever? Yes. Is it the best movie ever? No, but that doesn't mean it isn't one incredible experience. Even with it's flaws you will still love every minute of it. Be forwarned though, this movie is the eptiome of violence. At one point I actually said, out loud, "Oh my sweet Jesus" as a man was impaled in the head with a hatchet. If you can take violence, you'll love it. Just make sure you turn off your phone....

Final Score
4.5/5